"Yes. I bought your Colgate Toothpaste, the one with tartar control. AND IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT"
Son: Dad There's a bird in the house!
Danny: WHAT DO YOU MEAN A BIRD?
Son: It flew in when I opened up the door...
Danny: HOLY SHIT, FUCK, DAMN IT, [?]
"I want two cheeseburgers, and I want pickles and ketchup on them. And don't load it up with a bunch of BULL shit!! I want a Biggie Fries, and give me some SHIT TO DRINK!!"
"I love my Grandma Jenelle, she's the sweetest person in the entire world, and God bless her. BUT SHE'S OLD AS FUCK!"
"You cock suckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
[Wakes up on mattress to find a giant blue m&m] "WHAT THE FUCK! Damn it!...Holy shit!... Piss!...[touches m&m] You ass!...Oh Shit!...Fuck you!...You piece of shit!...YOU HAVE BALLS!...Ass!... Let me tell you about a porcupine's balls... they're small, and don't give a SHIT!"
Danny: "uh huh, uh huh, ARE YOU SHITTING ME! [a man, opens the door. The door hits the back of Danny's chair]
Danny: FUCK! ASSHOLE!
Danny: YOU CAN'T DO SHIT WITHOUT YOUR BALLS! PISS!
"MY GRANDPA DIED 15 YEARS AGO, NOBODY GAVE A SHIT!!!"
Son: Dad can we get some of this Movie Theater Butter Popcorn?
Danny: How much is it?
Son: It's just 2 for $5.00.
Danny: Oh what the hell, i guess so.
Son: You mean it? Oh Yes! Yes! [jumps for joy]
Danny: Calm down! Calm down! Don't get a big DICK!
"Holy dumb fuck! What is this shit?"
"OH BOB SAGET!"
"SUCK MY DICK, (OR COCK!") (SUCK MY COCKS!")
"Why don't you make like a banana and SHIT!"
"DON'T TALK SHIT ABOUT 'TOTAL'!"
"I'd kill myself too if my last name was... COMBS!"
"Tonight, on 'Unsolved Mysteries', find out who gives a shit about Big Foot. UPDATE! Apparently nobody gives a shit so FUCK HIM! UPDATE! Last night somebody broke in and stole $5 worth of shit from my PLACE! That's right, $5 worth of BULL SHIT!"
"She's a bitch! I called her a bitch right in front of her tits!"
"PISSING OUT THE WINDOW AND SHITTING OUT THE WINDOW ARE 2 DIFFERENT THINGS!"
"IT'S EASY FOR DENNIS TO GIVE A SHIT BECAUSE DENNIS IS SO FULL OF SHIT!"
Son: I heard she was a lesbian.
Danny: That just means she likes what I like.
"My ass could write a better song than these guys, with one cheek tied behind my balls!"
"I don't want to switch phone companies. You can stick those 5 cent Sundays up your fucking ass!"
"Dom Deluise, he used to be a chef on tv, BUT NOW HE JUST SITS AT HOME WITH HIS ASS UP HIS ASS!"
"Yeah you strut your stuff you faggot!... Smell my ass.... Gentlemen, EAT SHIT!"
"Ronald Mcgoddamn Donald."
"It's embarrassing as FUCK to have an ASS!"
Son: Dad, you're going to break everything in the whole house!
Danny: I'M TOO PISSED TO GIVE A SHIT!
Danny's Dad: You change your damn glasses more than you change your damn shirt. Why don't you try wearing a different shirt for once in your life?
Danny: WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF!
Bowler: There's ladies in here, so just keep it down.
Danny: There's ladies everywhere you dumbass!
"ALRIGHT! WHO WRINKLED MY RANDY TRAVIS POSTER, PISSED IN THE SEAT, AND HID MY KEYS?"
Son: Dad, Dad it's after 8:00!
Danny: Oh, fuck! It's what happens when Alex Trebek has a picture of a giraffe, in his, ass during an earthquake!
Son: Dad, are you going to get up?
Shirlena: "I'LL KICK YOU IN THE BALLS!
Danny: BITCH! I LOVE YOU!